Sex in the Time of Corona: Living in a Danger Zone
Many of us have been on home lockdown for over seven weeks now. The world outside your window may look quieter and more peaceful than it has in the past, but when you are isolated with an abuser, peace and safety are not what you are experiencing. Experts are calling intimate partner violence (IPV) an opportunistic infection of the COVID pandemic. There is mounting evidence of a surge in domestic violence cases as people, disproportionately more female-identified people, are stuck at home with their abusive partner or family member.
According to the CDC, 1 in 4 women and 1 in 7 men will experience severe physical violence by an intimate partner at some point during their lifetime (CDC, 10/19/2019). In Maine, where I live, 1 in 3 women are victims of physical abuse. Nationwide, sexual abuse and harassment happen to at least 1 in 3 women and nearly 1 in 6 men at some point (or points) during their life. IPV is more than physical or sexual abuse, it is a range of behaviors of power and control that one person exerts over the other which can include economic, emotional, and psychological factors as well.
In general, intimate violence of all types is rarely reported, but during this pandemic, there is evidence that unrecorded cases are increasing. Many reasons explain this including living in increased fear and decreased privacy to access hotlines or friends/family that could offer support, fear of COVID contagion in hospital emergency departments, and feeling undeserving and delegitimized during this grave pandemic.
Unfortunately, this byproduct of the virus is a legitimate public health crisis. It is well documented that every few seconds another person becomes a victim of domestic violence. Some areas are reporting an increased death rate of women since the COVID stay at home orders have been imposed (The Guardian, NYT).
This is the time to increase awareness about what is happening in your community, to your neighbors. This is the time to know there is help.
No matter how stressful and difficult it is to live in a pandemic, hurting another person is never justified. People may be frustrated and scared, but violence against another, whether it is emotional, physical, economic, or sexual, is an inexcusable CHOICE. It has nothing to do with love. It has nothing to do with intoxication. It has nothing to do with losing your temper. It is only about one thing: POWER & CONTROL.
I have devoted my entire career to supporting survivors of IPV. When I was trying to figure out my career path a billion years ago, like many young feminists of the day, I gravitated toward work in domestic violence shelters. I provided psychosocial support and joined in many “take back the night” marches. Then I became a survivor of domestic violence myself. I knew then addressing issues related to violence against women had to be my life’s work. Abuse is insidious. It knows no boundaries. It is everywhere, even in my own life. As a nurse and midwife, I saw the effects of trauma in many of the people I cared for as they birthed their babies and tried to repair the pieces of their lives.
I prioritized supporting people in abusive situations during my career, but I had one more goal for myself. After years of aspiring to become a sexual assault nurse examiner, I finally completed the training this last fall. I am now officially a SIT [a Sexual Assault Forensic Nurse (SAFE) in Training in the state of Maine]. The pandemic has curtailed the completion of the practical part of the training, but that is not because sexual and domestic violence cases are decreasing. Not at all. It is because people feel less comfortable coming in for care after an incident.
The purpose of this post, what I want people to know, is that there is help. Agency doors may be closed but there is always a person at the end of a phone who will be open and welcoming to you. The emergency departments are set up to support you. Here in Maine, there is a consortium of qualified SAFE nurses who will give you the care you deserve.
Here are some hotline numbers for you to have and to share with your loved ones in crisis:
The National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233)
The National Sexual Assault Hotline: 1-800-656-HOPE (4673)
No one deserves to be abused. It is never justified. And there is help.
Please reach out to me if you have any questions or comments, I would love to address them and know what you are thinking. In the meantime, stay healthy and safe, and take good care of each other. We will get through this together.
Susan Kamin is a certified nurse midwife and a sexuality health counselor. After many years of helping people give birth and be born, she is now providing personalized integrative well women care at Lifecycle Women's Health in Readfield and Brunswick, Maine. She sees people across the lifespan with a focus on care during midlife/menopause and sexual health. She enjoys sharing her wisdom in the hopes of helping people find pleasure, knowledge, and empowerment in their bodies as they go through all of life's transitions.
